happy birthday, djuna baby

Djuna on her first birthday

A year ago, after a quick 3 hour labor, our Djuna was born. I have been thinking about that birth experience all day. After weeks of waiting and getting increasingly tired of being pregnant, I was joyful to finally be in labor. I felt powerful, so different than when I gave birth to Stella. Giving birth isn't easy, but looking back I can remember starting to push and thinking I can do this, my body is strong, I can do this...

In some ways that ease and assurance has carried over into Djuna's first year. She is very much the second child. There is less intense one-on-one time with her because our attentions are always so fractured.

I hear myself say "she'll be fine" all the time after falls, face-plants, and crying jags. It's a nonchalance that only comes when you've seen a first child survive the mishaps of the first year and beyond. "Let her figure it out," is another phrase I find myself repeating.

She's showing signs of being more independent than Stella was at one. Part of this is due to the fact that she's been walking for two months already (a full 3 months sooner than Stella).

Djuna (Djunes, Djunie, Djuna baby, Pooms) loves greeting people with a smile and a wave, watching dogs, and gazing out our front windows. She is generally pretty content, but is quick to tell us when she doesn't like or want something. She likes swinging and exploring at the park. She spits out a lot of foods, but seems to dig cherries and sausage. She loves Stella but usually wiggles away from her hugs. She blows pretty sweet kisses.

Happy birthday, Djunes!

jet-lagged

We're back!

This photo was taken at 7:30am at the park yesterday. The girls woke us up at 3am and refused to go back to sleep, despite our many attempts. By the time we got to the park we'd already eaten breakfast, stopped for coffee and croissants (Stella must be going through another growth spurt because she is eating every 30 minutes) in the city, and dropped Jordan off at work.

This morning they woke up at 3:40am. I managed to get Djuna back to sleep, but Stella and I were up eating breakfast again at 4:30am.

Jet lag is no joke. It is going to be another LONG day.

Have a lovely weekend!

be back soon... and friday links

Kara Rosenlund's "Sea," via Cup of Jo

We are headed to the south of France and Berlin for two weeks, so the old blog will be neglected for a bit while we are away. I am excited to get away with family, and visit with dear friends we haven't seen in awhile, but I'm totally dreading the flights and traveling with a newly-walking toddler. When do vacations with kids become relaxing?

See you in a few weeks!

Pan-roasted chicken with harissa chickpeas.

My friends Melissa on SFGirlByBay!

Remember Sarah? Her site, Speed4Sarah, just launched. Consider donating to help find a cure for ALS.

One of Stella's favorite activities? Taking photos.

I'm not grossed out by armpit hair on women, are you? Truthfully, I often grow mine out, and I find it quite sexy on other women.

How Powerful Is Your Passport?

This pretty much sums up my daily uniform.

How a woman's plan to kill herself helped her family grieve.

Josey Baker Builds a Bakery. 

(Happy Birthday to my Dad!!)

djuna, 11 months

Djuna, 11 months

Djuna's first birthday just a month away, can you believe it?!

It's funny to look back at this post and think about those last weeks before Djuna was born, when it was still just the 3 of us.

Djuna at 11 months is walking and getting into everything. Her vocabulary consists of uh oh, Dada, and Mama, in that order. She loves seeing dogs, but seems to be allergic to them. She's still plagued by eczema on her hands and ankles, despite my heroic attempts (they have helped some) at excluding dairy, nuts, and tomatoes from my diet, and putting ointments on her throughout the day. She has 8 teeth, and an underbite to boot. She likes waving goodbye. She loves watching, toddling after, and touching Stella. She is watchful and a bit serious but has a smile that lights up the room.

the week in brief + friday fun links

Crab Cove, Alameda

The week in brief:

Djuna is walking (if 6 steps count... I think that's walking). Stella, out of the blue, started drawing stick figures (heads with eyes, a nose, and mouth, arms, and legs) yesterday. Jordan is flying home today from a 5-day business trip (hurray!). Me and my friend Shayna are always in sync. My Dad finishes up his second AIDS ride in LA tomorrow (again, hurray!). It's going to be a good weekend.

A few fun links...

On happiness

The arugula in my garden is providing us with salad greens every day of the week. I'm adding Ashley's Easy Squash Salad for Summer to the menu for next week.

Chef's Night Out with State Bird Provisions

Is Your Free Time "Contaminated"?

One of my fave Instagram feeds

Nonsense Names: The Rise of Restaurant Gibberish

Why We Laugh: The fascinating science behind your giggle fits

happy weekend + goodbye to may

Enchanted Forest by Elsa Mora

Happy weekend, friends!

Vegan Mint Brownie Ice Cream

London Growing. This is FASCINATING. (Maserati's "Cities" is a lovely accompaniment)

The star recipe this week

Chic Fille

Men Who Drink Breast Milk

Elsa Mora's awesome papercuttings

Hachette vs. Amazon

The movie version of Jonathan Tropper's This is Where I Leave You looks funny

Hershey Felder does Leonard Bernstein at Berkeley Rep

happy mother's day + friday links

Uta Barth, Deep Blue Day

Happy Friday!

A few links to kick off the weekend...

Looks like I'm dairy-free for the long haul. These sesame soba noodles and grilled salmon are becoming regulars on our dinner table.

Ken Burns does The Roosevelts.

The delicious simplicity of rice and beans.

Hello, sandal weather.

Gorgeous ring.

My current beer fave: Go to IPA.

The Moth: Momofuku's David Chang talks Michelin stars.

The book I just finished. 

And what I'm reading next.

Alan Cumming on Fresh Air.

Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp Bars.

Loving this necklace.

Selling the Myth of the Ideal Mother.

Happy Mother's Day to my amazing Mom, and to all the wonderful and inspiring mamas in my life.

dairy-free

I'm on week two of going dairy-free after Djuna had a bad reaction (mad hives) to touching cheese last Monday. She's had chronic eczema, on her hands and feet/ankles, for months and it had gotten worse in the past few weeks. She is still primarily breastfeeding and seems to have little interest in eating food; she won't even open her mouth for me if I try to feed her. In an effort to improve her eczema I've given up nuts too as I worry that almond milk and the other nuts in my diet might be exacerbating the issue as well.

My morning coffee is now an Americano, and I am eating lots of protein, vegetables, and fruit to keep my energy up throughout the day. Without dairy in my body, I actually feel pretty great. If Djuna's skin does improve, I will give it up while she continues breastfeeding, which could mean being dairy-free for two years or more. I have even toyed with the idea of cutting dairy from my diet on a more permanent basis. Though, I do love me some cheese. And ice cream. And buttered toast.

Needless to say, I'm on the hunt for tasty, dairy-free, nut-free recipes. If you have any, send them my way.

mothering with ALS

Sarah and her family, photo by Lisa Leckie

Sarah Coglianese, a friend and old co-worker, was diagnosed with ALS last year. She recently wrote this lovely and heartwrenching piece for the New York Times Motherlode blog about teaching her daughter that she can do anything, physically and otherwise, as her own body is failing her and she is physically able to do less and less. Sarah's blog, The Scarlett Letters, is also a wonderful read.

stella at 3

Happy birthday to our Stella who turned three on Friday.

This kid is all emotion. One minute she's laughing and the next she's crying ("I want water in my PINK cup not my GREEN!" sob, sob, sob). Stella's emotions rule her world.

She loves baby Djuna, whom she calls "Pooms" and "Little Kicky." Loves her so much she sometimes just wants to smother her... with hugs and kisses, of course. She often hears us say "give Djuna some space," and sometimes she listens and complies and sometimes she just listens and acts like she can't hear us.

She eats slow. Talks non-stop. Asks question after question, sometimes the same question ad nauseam. Loves to draw. Is a pain to get into the bath and a pain to get out once she's in. Loves to sing and make up songs. Is a sweet little snuggler. Wants to wear dresses everyday. Learns new big words daily (last week her favorite word was monumental). Loves looking at and reading books. Stands on the back of our couch and watches everyone leave our house and waves goodbye. Obsessively has to sit on our stoop before we open the front door (every. single. time). Starts talking as soon as her eyes open in the morning. Loves spending the night at her Grammy and Pappap's house. Loves park dates with her Aunt Livvie and Skype dates with family far away. Takes pride in walking her own dishes to the sink after meals. Likes helping in the kitchen and making muffins and cookies. Asks me to sing Summertime and stroke her hair at bedtime. No longer naps at home. Has a hard time saying Ls, so Stella sounds like Stewwa. Adores playing hide and seek and usually picks the same place to hide again and again. Dislikes visits to her wonderful doctor, but talks about ailments and sickness nonstop. Is watchful and wary in new situations. Has a long memory, boundless energy, and a monumental heart.

Stella at 2.5.
Stella at 2.
Stella's Birth Story, 1 year later.

djuna at 3 months

Djuna at 3 months is all sweetness and smiles. She's a great sleeper, going to bed around 8pm and waking up at 4am for early morning nurse sessions. She loves Stella; Djuna watches her with big, wide eyes, and smiles whenever Stella looks her way or plays near her. She loves being talked to and smiled at, and she goes anywhere and does anything without much fuss. 

We lucked out big time with this kid. She is dreamy.

six decades of the most popular girl names, state-by-state

Six decades of the most popular girl names, state-by-state. Interesting patterns, right?

 

See more years mapped over at Jezebel.

a few weekend links

YUM.

I turn 35 in November. Gah! I think I'm going to make this ice cream cake to celebrate. Nothing says happy birthday like an ice cream cake, right?!

Eat, Pray, Love, Get Rich, Write A Novel No One Expects.

Super cute kids sandals.

I'm seriously crushing on these Ali Golden bags. My friend Melissa has one and every time I see her I covet it...

Saying goodbye at preschool has been a challenge. I appreciated this Motherlode post on easing the transition and separation anxiety.

This adorable book is one of our favorites at the moment.

TED Talk 2012 Flashback: Chip Kidd. Designing books is no laughing matter. OK, it is.

Can't wait to go to this new Oakland beer hall.

Fall is in the air. The dusklight sweater.

Domino Magazine is back.

[photograph credit: ashley of not without salt]

djuna :: 10 weeks

Djuna is one happy, smiley baby.

best lunch box ever

For the record, I never thought I'd be writing a post about school lunches. But, well, here we are...

 

Now that Stella is in preschool three days a week, I think about her lunch in a whole new way. Way more than necessary, in fact. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to lunches at home. Quesadilla with black beans and avocado 3 days in a row at home is okay in my book, but I can't bring myself to pack the same thing for her lunches 3 days a week knowing that her teachers unpack her lunchbox and I'm supposed to be sending her with a well-rounded, nutritious meal.

Which is why I'm excited my friend Jen brought me a special treat at our park date last week: Katie Sullivan Morford's Best Lunch Box Ever. Jen did all the lovely photography for the book and it was published by Chronicle (the company I worked for before having Stella) which means the book itself is beautiful. Here are a few shots of recipes I'm looking forward to trying.

Asian Slaw

Sweet Potato Quesadilla

Date, Cream Cheese, Spinach Wraps

Sour Cherry Oatmeal Bars

Also, check out Jen's recent recipe on Design*Sponge for Wild Mushroom Risotto. Yum!

madewell thundercloud jeans

At two months postpartum I'm still about 10lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight which means that all of my favorite jeans and pants are still a tad bit snug around the waist. Last week I finally decided to just buy a pair of interim jeans to wear. Thankfully, I found a pair that I am loving. They've got the perfect amount of stretch and give and they go with everything. I've worn them every single day.

Madewell: skinny skinny ankle jeans in thundercloud

I love them so much I bought the camo equivalent.

a few midweek links

Walloon Lake, Michigan

My dear friend Melissa created an super awesome meal planning app called 5 Plates! The app delivers 5 dinner recipes every week with a grocery list. How easy is that? It debuted on iTunes today so go get it.

We went to Michigan at the end of August. My sister-in-law Mary wrote about the trip and posted some pictures on her lovely blog. I also posted some photos from our trip on Instagram.

I only read one book while in Michigan. But I've just started this based on a rave review from Jordan. Also on my nightstand: Wild, The Happiest Toddler on the Block (yep), and The Cuckoos Calling.

Shakespeare with its original pronunciation. Fascinating!

Doesn't this Tangled Thai salad with peanut cilantro coconut dressing look tasty?

A few months ago I started using this light foundation on my face. It's a bit on the pricey side, but totally worth it.

I've enjoyed reading these guest posts about parenting around the world.

We finally finished watching the first season of this show. Loved it! I'm going through serious withdrawals... Thank goodness there are three new episodes of Foyle's War airing soon.

period of adjustment

We are in the middle of a big period of adjustment... Djuna's arrival. Stella starting preschool in September.

Over the past few weeks we've seen more Stella meltdowns than ever before. Overall, Stella is handling Djuna's presence beautifully. She gives her kisses and loves, and so far she hasn't asked us to send her back. But she loses her shit over the smallest things. Developmentally, Stella is right on track. She desperately desires routine and predictability. She wants to be heard and understood but allowed to change her mind at will. Her world is in upheaval and she is doing her best to find her footing, connect with us, and have her voice heard amidst the chaos.

Getting them to both nap at the same time is proving to be a challenge. Yesterday it took me two hours to get Stella to fall asleep in the afternoon. On Friday I finally gave up after an hour and a half of trying, which culminated in Stella chanting "Mommmmyyyyy" in her room over and over and over again and Djuna puking breast milk all over me and our bed. Ah, the glories of parenthood.

So while we adjust and work towards some kind of balance, I might be less present here on this old blog. But I'll be back...

introducing djuna sulise + birth story

Stella meets Djuna

Djuna, 7 days old

Meet Djuna Sulise! We named her Djuna (pronounced JOON-uh) after writer Djuna Barnes. It's a name I've loved ever since reading Nightwood in college, and Jordan and I agreed after we had Stella that if we ever had another girl we would call her Djuna. We wanted to capture the love and admiration we have for both our mothers; Sulise is an homage to them, Suellen and Malise.

Djuna made a speedy entrance into the world early last Thursday morning. After days of pre-labor contractions that left us wondering "is this it?," I never imagined I'd have such a different birth experience from the one I had with Stella. With Djuna, there was no doubt when I actually went into labor. Going to bed Wednesday night she was very active and I kept feeling her head moving and turning against my cervix. At 1 a.m. her movement broke my bag of waters and I woke Jordan up and called my Mom who was at our door in 20 minutes. Because I tested positive for Group B strep this pregnancy, my OB requested that we head to the hospital sooner rather than later if my waters broke so that I could be given a dose or two of antibiotics. I had my first serious contraction, one that stopped me in my tracks, right before leaving our house.

We arrived at the hospital and were admitted into the labor and delivery department. At this point I was excited and chatty with the nurse and with Jordan. After weeks of waiting, I was ready to be past the labor and meet our girl. I felt so happy and not at all scared or apprehensive. At around 2:15 a.m. they checked me and I was 3-4 cm dilated. They moved me into a room and we met and talked with our attending nurse. I was still smiling and laughing, easily breathing through the contractions with Jordan rubbing my back and offering encouragement, and eating fruit popsicles.

The nurse drew some blood to run tests and ended up poking through the other side of my vein, which, I learned as the blood started to pool in my arm and Jordan almost fainted, is called a blown vein. I started shaking after that from the rush of adrenaline and was light-headed from having my blood drawn badly. Another nurse came in to insert the IV drip into my other arm.

By 3:40 a.m. I felt the urge to pee and afterwards found I couldn't sit comfortably on my birthing ball anymore. Our nurse had left the room and as I leaned over the bed I told Jordan to go get her because I could feel Djuna moving down the birth passage. At 3:50 a.m. the doctor checked me and was astonished that I was already 9 cm dilated. The attending nurse was surprised as well because I was managing the contractions without much discomfort. At that point, however, I started moaning, open-mouthed (thank you Ina May!), through the contractions because I could feel the urge to push coming on and I was told to wait so they could quickly prep the room for the delivery.

The nurse hurried to get the antibiotics in the IV for the Group B Strep prevention (much too late), and at around this point I looked at Jordan and told him I didn't want to do it anymore. I quickly stopped myself from saying it again, and started repeating "I can do this." 

I started pushing at 4 a.m., and after 3 intense pushes, Djuna was born. I felt ecstatic. And relieved. As they put her on my chest I said with great joy "I did it, Sweets! I did good..." 

He agreed.

today could be the day

Tomorrow marks the start of week 41 of my pregnancy. Yes, as of this morning I am still pregnant. For the past two weeks I've woken up earlier than usual, usually with the realization "oh, shit... my labor hasn't happened already?" And then I give myself a little pep talk and think "today could be the day! Tomorrow I will wake up and get to hold our new girl..." And then I wake up still pregnant and facing down the hardest thing I've ever had to do, the thing I promised myself I would never do again just minutes after birthing Stella.

So here I am. Another day dawning, and I'm thinking "today could be the day."